Mark Reviews Movies: GIRL ON THE THIRD FLOOR

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Review by Mark Dujsik | October 24, 2019

Don Koch (Phil Brooks, aka professional wrestler C.M. Punk) is not a good guy. We learn the extent of his caddishness gradually as Girl on the Third Floor, which puts the jerk in a haunted house, progresses.

The feature directorial debut of Travis Stevens puts Don through the ringer. As he renovates a house in a Chicago suburb (The movie was shot on location in a supposedly haunted house in a Chicago suburb), Don has to put up with mold, slime, and goo in, on, and oozing out from the walls. An occasional marble pops out of a wall, too, rolling as if it has a mind of its own.

Then there's the matter of Sarah (Sarah Brooks), a young woman from the neighborhood whose flirtations could be tempting, but since this is Don, who doesn't seem to grapple with a conscience, temptation isn't really a concern for him. He's more than happy to sleep with this stranger the second time he meets her—only to toss her aside and come to her resent her presence immediately after.

All of this happens while Don's pregnant wife Liz (Trieste Kelly Dunn), who helped him get through a major financial scandal in the city, is waiting for word that she can come to the new place. He's in no rush—partially because of his nature but mostly because he's incompetent at home renovation and the house keeps falling apart.

Stevens, who also wrote the screenplay, intentionally makes Don an unrepentant and completely unlikeable protagonist. The twisted fun of the movie is in watching Don, who was once known by the oh-so humble nickname "King Don," receive his comeuppance.

The payback comes from the aforementioned substances and the constant reminders of his failures as a decent human being, which only affect him because he thinks he might be caught. The house and its haunted accessories, provided by some disgustingly tactile practical effects, are creepy. Don, though, is the movie's real creep factor.

That's why the third act, which has little—if anything—to do with the character, simply doesn't work. Instead, Girl on the Third Floor ends with a lengthy explanation of the house's history and an attempt to contextualize the now-absent Don's mentality with that story, as well as the fallout of his behavior. It's an admirable, if hasty and hollow, move.

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